Yours Truly 🙄🙉Aug 07, 2023
So, I’m overhearing Child on the phone with his friend from camp Sunday Morning, almost apologetic that he left camp for shabbos, and informing Friend that he will be returning later that day. His friend is giving him a hard time for taking time off from camp, and Child said to him jokingly “I think the person who is saddest that I’m not in camp today is Yours Truly.”
And I’m like Noooooooo🙉! That is such a “yeshivish” mistake! Yours Truly does not mean YOU. It means ME. It may be confusing, Child, but you gotta learn English. 😅
We laughed of course, and then discussed this for a second - how very often in life, when it looks as if I am talking about “You” (or other people) - really I am talking about “Me” (ourselves).
Let’s take it one step further: When something bothers you about someone else, really it is often something that bothers you about yourself.
Famous Swiss Psychiatrist and Psychoanalyst, Carl Jung says: “Projections change the world into the replica of one’s own unknown face…”
One of Jung's notable contributions was his exploration of the "shadow." The shadow represents the darker, less conscious aspects of an individual's personality, including qualities, desires, and emotions that are often repressed or denied. Jung noted that people tend to project their own shadow elements onto others, perceiving those traits in others that they are unwilling to acknowledge in themselves.
Subconsciously, what elicits a strong reaction in ourselves about what bothers us about the people around us, is usually a signal to us, a message to us, that this has more to do with Yours Truly, than it does with other person.
This concept in psychology - which is sometimes called projection - serves as a tool for self-awareness. When you notice yourself strongly reacting to someone’s behaviors (including your spouse and your children) this should serve as an “OFG” moment - an Opportunity For Growth moment.
Your strong reaction may be because you are projecting - seeing your own weaknesses in them.
This doesn’t mean that every time something bothers us about other people, it is because we are seeing something about ourselves - but often, when we react very strongly, it is personal.
It’s strangely ironic! No? What bothers us about the people around us is often something that we do too or something that we are insecure about or something that bothers us about ourselves….
“Mudne” as the kids say.
The good news is that understanding this concept and applying it and teaching it to our children will help us all with self awareness and our relationships in general.
The next time someone is really irritating you — stop and thank them! They may have brought something up from your subconscious to your conscious level. 🎉