Seminary! NOT based on a true story 🥴

12th grade acceptance ironic seminary May 26, 2024

I decided that December/Jan/Feb of twelfth grade are the funniest not-funny months of all 12 years of school. 


For those of you who don’t know, this is how it goes: for the first two weeks of December, the girls are preparing for yearbook pictures. 12th grade yearbook pictures! Do you hear me? What can be more important?! Hiring and booking talented people to do their hair and makeup, half up? headband? all down? - oops that’s not allowed - hair needs to be at least a drop behind the ear. We need to follow school rules yet still look right. I mean, the pressure is on. Their life's on the line! 


We get through picture day. Whew! Mostly good. Except they wish their picture looked more natural.




I mean, they just spent so much time and money making themselves look like something else. So no wonder they don’t think it looks like them. But whatever. Women problems. 


The heavy makeup, all the hairspray and the bobby pin is barely out when the email comes announcing. Seminary. Interviews. Are. Here. 


Heart starts to race. 




Straight to the haircut!! Cut off all that beautiful hair. The shorter the better. The more of a bob it is, the frummer. The more of a chance they will get into the Sem of their dreams. Between that and the yearbook picture, their fate is sealed. 


They will live a beautiful life. 🎶


Day of interview. Can’t breathe. QUICK! Everyone! Let’s change to our grandmother’s pearl earrings, let’s borrow our brother’s black shabbos shoes, let’s scrub our faces makeup free. Let’s put on fake pimples. I mean, we need to show that we’re too busy davening to wash our faces! 


On the way to Interview. Now is the time to review questions that we got from our friends who interviewed the day before. AHHHHHHHHH!!! What does my father do??? Help! What number child am I in my family??  I don’t know the answers! Oh wait. Maybe I do.  Who from Tanach do I wish I could marry?? Is that a trick question? Seems inappropriate a shtickle. But as long as I say “a shtickle” hopefully I will get in. What do I like to eat?? I don’t know! Should I say I only eat kosher?! I mean, maybe that’s obvious but maybe it’s not?? What’s the right answer? HELP!!

The girls finally get to the waiting room. They want to shriek but control themselves. Ever so quietly. They ‘whisper yell’:  Help me! Remind me!! What’s my favorite parsha? And who’s my favorite teacher? And what did my grandparents do for a living in 1950?  And what would I do if my family went on vacation during winter break but MY BROTHERS ARE COMING TOOOOO???  All these difficult trick questions! What are the answers?? 😩


The fear. The panic. The worry. The tears. 


And then, in a moment of real curiosity to eavesdrop, one girl naughtily runs to listen at the door to the interview of the girl before her. 


“You know when we ask you all our questions on the interview- really all I want to do is trick you,” she hears the Seminary Teacher who flew in from EY say.  

“But, Mrs. Seminary interviewer, all I want to do is trick YOU!” Cries the 12th grader! You think these are my ugly shoes?? Do You think I actually wear these Pearl Earrings?? You think I wear a BOB when you’re not here? You know how long it will take me to grow back my precious hair?” 😭😭😭


Tears. Flowing tears. 


And then …. Through a crack in the door, Miss Snooper witnesses THE HUG. 


12th grader. Seminary Interviewer. They have the most beautiful meaningful hug. 


(Think of music playing in the background 🎶.)


“As long as we are both trying to trick each other” they say to one another during the embrace… 


Then you are exactly what I’m looking for.” 


You’re accepted. ❤️


I accept the acceptance! ❤️



P.S. NOT based on a true story! 🥴 … A Freilicin Purim 🎉🎉🎉


💕, Shifi 



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