Let Them đź’›
Aug 26, 2025
One of my favorite parts of summer is spending time with my cousins. (Shoutout to all of you!)
A few weeks ago, one of my dearest cousins casually asked me, “Obviously you’ve read the book Let Them, right?”
You know that moment when you’re debating whether to nod along like, “Of course, duh, who hasn’t?” versus admitting the truth?
I went with honesty. “Nope.”
And then immediately ordered it.
And ever since this green book landed on my doorstep, these two little words have ringing been in my head:
Let Them.
- Friends make a simcha and don’t include you? Let them.
- Teenager stays out too late enjoying summer nights? Let them.
- Kids refuse to swim on the nicest pool day? Let them.
- Child insists on super ugly school shoes? Let them.
- Friend is convinced the new teacher is terrible, but you’re excited? Let them.
- Daughter refuses to go out again on a fourth date but you think they’re being too picky? Let them.
- Child insists on keeping her hair long even though it looks overgrown and dead?? Um, Eew! Don’t let them! (đź¤)
(FYI, these are NOT personal examples. Just clarifying!)
At first, it sounds passive, like giving up on them. But here’s the secret: Let Them isn’t about surrender. It’s about your freedom.
Most of us spend a tremendous amount of energy trying to control things we’ve never actually controlled in the first place. (“If I phrase it this way… if I just explain one more time… then maybe they’ll finally see the light”.)
For the Naysayers - no, this isn’t a catch- all parenting technique. If your three year old is pouring ices all over the floor, no need to “Let them.” If, Gd forbid, there is a situation where someone is causing pain or hurt, I think this goes without saying that I do not mean: “Let them.” Chas V’shalom.
But generally, in the regular day to day parts of life, people / children/ teens are going to do what they’re going to do in an effort to find and be themselves. And often, our “effort” to try to control is just wasted and leaves us exhausted, cranky, and frustrated.
When you whisper Let Them to yourself, as Mel Robbins (author of The Let Them Theory) puts it, you unclench. You stop trying to manage the unmanageable. Suddenly, you feel lighter. Your brain quiets. Their choices stop hijacking your peace.
And the best part? Once you stop trying to control their lives, you actually get to focus more on your own. All that mental real estate opens up.
So this week, when you catch yourself gearing up to fix/hover/explain one more time—pause. Smile, shrug, and say it with me: Let Them.
Turns out, those two little words aren’t really about them at all. They’re about us—living lighter, freer, and a whole lot happier.
đź©·, Shifi
P.S. When discussing this concept with My Mother today, my Mother reminded me that Reb. Jungreis used a similar concept of tapping into freedom by saying “Let Go, Let G-d.” Love that too! Different, I know, but similar.
