Good Enough Parenting

Oops! I may have freaked the people out last week. Questions were being texted/whatsapped/emailed all week including questions such as:  “OMG, my baby keeps crying every time I leave the room!” And “why does my child go on play dates without crying? Aren’t they supposed to cry? Even a little?” And “my child seriously has attachment issues - he woke up in the morning and couldn’t find me- even though I was just in the bathroom- and he FLIPPED OUT! Sheesh!” 

Last week’s newsletter was not meant to be a “scareletter!” 

To answer your questions, I want to introduce the concept of a “Good Enough Parent” coined by psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott in the 1950’s. 

Winnicott is referring to the necessary process whereby a mother, who starts out as hyper-responsive to her infant’s need (ex: giving up her own sleep to tend to Baby’s needs), naturally relaxes her responsiveness in healthy ways as the child grows and develops. Winnicott recognized that adapting and readapting to a child’s ever evolving needs for attention versus independence, and autonomy vs dependence is no easy feat. 

He reassured mothers that being the “perfect parent” is just not possible. 

And more than that:  it isn’t even the goal! 

As long as Mother is *most often* reliable, consistent, and her child is well cared for, and Mother feels emotionally connected to her child, and Mother is an emotionally healthy individual who is looking out for the best of each child, then her failures, and slip-ups are par for the course. 

Being “good enough” is actually the goal! THAT will ultimately foster both independence and autonomy in the growing child.

Really fascinating concept! C’mon. It can’t only be Family Therapists who get excited about these concepts. 

Winnicott continues to say: the Mother’s failures to adapt to every need of the child is what actually HELPS the child adapt to external realities and challenges and that is what will prepare them for an imperfect world. 

💥 There you go! No need to fret!

For a quick overview of Attachment, watch this clip.  I thought it was very well done (I didn’t create it! It has 7M views 😃): Watch Here!

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