Are We Over-Diagnosing?
Jan 07, 2026
Dearest Sara,
“Kids these days…” if we all got a dollar for every time someone says that…!
Do they need a little space? Or do they mamash need a diagnosis? Do they need a treatment plan or do they need to grow up a tinsy? (Or a lotsy…! 
)
Lately, I’ve been noticing a panic under a lot of parenting conversations.
“Is this anxiety?”
“Is this ADHD?”
“Is he normal??”
“Should I get him evaluated?”
“Are we missing something?”
So listen - sometimes we are missing something. Diagnoses exist for a reason. They can be clarifying, validating, and genuinely life-changing. Very often a diagnosis is followed by a “ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh! Why didn’t I realize this sooner??”
So I get it. I get both sides of the debate.
But, sometimes?
Sometimes a kid is sensitive.
Sometimes a kid is rigid.
Sometimes a kid is immature, overwhelmed, poorly slept, badly fed, or reacting to a world that is louder, faster, and more demanding than it used to be or that they are used to.
Not everything uncomfortable is pathological.
Not every struggle needs a label to be real.
And not every label automatically tells you exactly what to do next.
I got a frantic phone call recently from someone who couldn’t get the words out - she was literally whispering from the bathroom that she thinks her child mayyyyyyyyy have anxietyyyy!!!!! And she was beside herself.
As I was listening and waiting for the end of the story - she’s like “oh! That’s the whole story!” And I was like “Seriously Dude. You actually scared me, I thought something terrible happened…” And she’s like “Something terrible is happeningggg! I think this may actually be anxietyyy” (as she was having total anxiety about anxiety, which is a whole other newsletter in itself!)
I’ve watched the trend go from “kids will be kids” to “kids are walking DSMs” over the last 25 years in the field.
The danger of overdiagnosing isn’t just mislabeling…
It’s skipping curiosity.
Before we look into any diagnosis, I’d love us to ask ourselves “what does this child need from us right now?”
Sometimes the answer is support.
Sometimes it’s skills.
Sometimes it’s an eval.
Sometimes it’s boundaries.
Sometimes it’s time.
Sometimes it’s love.
(I know some are thinking “Sometimes it’s a A Frask!” (אַ פֿראַסק) (roll the tongue) 
(obviouslyyy, that’s not a real option, just love the word! Duh)
(And I miss the Hungarians I grew up with…)
Sometimes — yes — it’s a diagnosis. And sometimes yes, it’s even medication.
But we don’t need to diagnose first and think later.
We need to think first.
Observe.
Stay Curious. Stay Curious. Stay Curious.
Stay nuanced. Is this a new behavior? Is this behavior getting better over time? Worse? What else is going on in the family? In the world? In school?
Basically, I’m just here to remind you that kids are allowed to sometimes be complicated without being disordered.
Shifi
