My mother in law recently asked me if I heard of an “ambivert.” 

I actually thought it was a type of string bean. (🥴) 

But it’s not. And I was so excited to learn about this concept! Who hid this term from me all my life?

OMG, I am an ambivert!  I feel so validated reading about ambiverts and I feel like I got to know myself better. Cuz, that’s the name of the game, right? 

Until now, I never liked the question “Are you an extrovert or introvert?” Because honestly — I am not sure. And for a therapist to admit to not knowing herself - is quite embarrassing. For me, anyway. 

But, I’m learning that we now don’t have to choose between outgoing and … (ingoing? 🤨  Lol, that would make sense, no?) introverted. 

Many (some even say “most”)  people fall in between the Extrovert vs. Introvert categories and they are called Ambiverts. An ambivert is a person who is equally excited about socializing with others and reading a book in isolation.

How, scientifically speaking, do people have different personalities? Answer is… How social you are is largely driven by your level of dopamine-fueled stimulation in the area of the brain called the neocortex. Introverts tend to have naturally high levels of stimulation, so they stay away from extra social stimulation because it makes them uncomfortable or jittery.

Low-leveled extroverts, however, crave more stimulation and seek out social activity which helps them feel good. 

Ambiverts tend not to be innately high or low in dopamine. They fluctuate and seek solitude/socialization as their needs change - depending on the situation and on their mood.

With a chameleon-like nature that enables introverted or extroverted behavior to emerge depending on the circumstance, ambiverts present an interesting (read: awesome) package. 

I often get phone calls from worried parents: “it’s so strange- my daughter/son is so social all week and on Shabbos and Sunday, they can go 48 hours without socializing. Should I be worried?”

Well, no.  Not if they’re ambiverts! And they sincerely enjoy the down time and the time to connect to themselves in addition to socializing.

Not sure if you’re an ambivert? Ask yourself:

Can you perform tasks alone or with a group? (I actually get a Mazel Tov! 🥳. Last week, I went to pick up a heaven Avocado Toast from Patis, and instead of preparing it to go, they prepared it to stay.  So yes, I sat there myself eating. It’s not the first time that I’ve done that, but it was the first time that I did it proudly! Is that called middle-age or an ambivert? Honestly, I’m not sure.)

Social settings don’t make you uncomfortable, but you tire of being around people too much?

Some people think you’re quiet, while others think you’re highly social? 

Congrats! You’re an ambivert! 

Btw, are you a Textrovert? A textrovert (gotta say, I love that word) is someone who feels an increased sense of bravery and openness over texting as opposed to in person. A textrovert is highly engaging and outgoing in text, and often very funny,  but in person can come across as more inhibited and ingoing 😜. (This is a discussion that we should have more of, since we are finding it an issue in relationships.)

Why is it important to understand this? 

I think as people- both introverts and extroverts - who naturally crave connection, it’s important to get to know ourselves better and better. When we are confusing - even to ourselves- our messages can get misconstrued and possibly even hurtful. 

Oh! Btw.  Let’s please not confuse ambiverts and moodiness! Ambiverts are totally cool, and in many ways - a winning combination.  Moodiness, on the other hand, is not cool. But we don’t need to revisit that again this week. 

Ok guys. Enough socializing for today,

😍, Shifi 

P.S. Welcome Newcomers! Welcome to Our Clique! Our previous emails are on OUR BLOG so you can be up to date on all the hock and all the private jokes!

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Fun Read! To Learn More about Introverts, read below:

These 19 ‘Extroverted’ Behaviors Annoy Introverts the Most

Something Nuts: I always thought Haricot Verts were the oddest name for green beans. So, I googled it - and it turns out there is a way worse name for string beans: “Lazy Housewife Beans.” Um. What?  Because they were the first bean created in the late 1800’s that doesn’t require destringing. So they were called the “Lazy Housewife beans.” How nuts is that? The string bean doesn’t need “destringing” so housewives called lazy for not doing it? So not ok! 😂